The Story Of Us

So today I took my daughter to the video store. My husband is gone on a road trip to clear his head and so we made the best of it. We bought Valentines for her class and hit the video store before coming home to order heart shaped pizza and breadsticks (as the weekend before Valentine’s Day the pizza place does this).

While at the video store, I picked up two titles that spoke to me about what my husband and I are going through, “Fireproof” and “The Story Of Us.” After putting my daughter to bed, I plugged the bluray player in in the bedroom and popped in “The Story Of Us.” Here is what reminded me of us:

Things said wrong 300 times leads to silence in neutral corners.

We say things wrong over and over. We repeat the same arguments. “Why don’t you ever…?” “You never listen to me.” “Where did the….go?” “Why do you always dwell on things?”

Over and over we repeat these arguments. And it seems like it is never ending. It truly seems like we never get over these things. It seems like we never will.

Hell, I would kill for “neutral corners” in silence. Would it be any better though? Really?

The problem with Harold and the Purple Crayon is that one person draws the world their way. There is no room for Harold and the Purple Crayon in a marriage.

I never looked at it that way before but we are Harold, we are both trying to be Harold.

Look this is ridiculous all couples go through this, lets give it another try.

God, yes, I want this. I think this is ridiculous. I do want to give us another try. All couples go through things. You even said it. You said yourself about the stupid 7 year itch thing….we just hit it late.

No matter what we were going though, if our feet somehow found a way to touch at the end of the blanket we would have some connection, an us.

This one really makes me smile because we are the same way. Every time we fight, when you are trying to make up with me at night without saying anything, your feet find mine.

Hurt hurts.

Enough said.

The scene where they sit in bed and think of each other that is me right now.

I am lying in bed writing this thinking of you and wishing you would call me or text me. Then magically you do!

If you had it once you can always get it back.

I hope so. Is this true? Please let it be true.

Hard times bring us together.

They have before. Can they again?

Do we make things worse by dwelling on everything for the rest of our lives? You can’t let go of anything.

Yes, yes we do. I do. I dwell. I don’t let go. I hold onto it. You have been doing that too, blaming me for things that I can’t take back.

Where did the fun girl go? You beat her out of me.

Yup. Sure did. I am a different person with my friends than with you and that is not right. They all think I am funny and fun and sweet. Why can’t I show that to you? Maybe it was because you were too serious? Maybe it was because I just feel that I can’t be me with you?

The eye contact got less and less. Maybe it was the stuff of life. There was a comfort in disconnection. I think we were afraid if we faced each other there was nothing there.

Yes. Eye contact. It is much less. And maybe it is life that is doing it. And maybe we need to reconnect .We need to get out without the kid. We need that so much. We need time at the end of the night before I roll over and go to sleep because I get up so early and I am tired. We need to connect. And maybe I am afraid to face you. Maybe I am afraid that there will be nothing there. That you will not see me anymore. That you will not see the one you loved. I am only half joking when I rub your feet and say it is to remind you why you love me.

 Tonight I saw myself through your eyes and I am sorry.

Oh boy did I ever. I see now when I look at how mean you have been lately, how stress has taken its’ toll on you, I see how I have been in the past and now that I am trying to be better, it is too hard with you being who I was, with you being upset and stressed all the time. I see it and I am SO sorry. I see your pain in what was recently done. I am sorry for that. I wish I could go back in the past and make changes, but I can’t.

Remember our wedding. And our baby. And our fights. And our make ups.

I remember it all and it makes me both happy and sad. I remember the love and the pain. But it is us.

We are an us there is a history here and histories don’t happen overnight. I don’t want to build another city, I like this city. Its hard but there’s more good than bad and you don’t just give up.

This speaks to my heart so much. We do have a history. And histories don’t just happen over night, they take time to build. Cities take time to build. And no I don’t want to do that either. It takes too much. We are here, we are now. We know each other, we know our jokes and our special times. No one else would.