By the time my daughter was 3, she still was not potty
trained. We tried forcing her, we tried not forcing her, we tried a “potty
prize box,” which by the way worked great when she actually went (we took a
diaper box and put dollar store items in it and mini chocolate bars and
Shopkins and plastic coins that were worth 25 cents each when she cashed them
in for money and she got to choose one thing each time she used the potty
without an accident). My daughter got rashes that were awful because she would
go to the bathroom in her underwear and not tell us that it needed to be
changed, her pediatrician said that her rashes were the worst she had ever
seen. We did not know what to do.
We tried enrolling her in preschool hoping she would get
potty trained faster that way seeing other kids doing it, but when she got into
one at a church, she was denied a spot because she wasn’t potty trained. They
held her spot for us for a few months to try to get her trained and we had her
in pull ups telling us when she needed to go, but they refused to take her
unless she could go on her own completely. We broke her of pull-ups finally.
But she still had lots of accidents, which meant lots of rashes.
At 4, she still refused to potty train. Sometimes she would
go by herself and sometimes she wouldn’t. We were really at the end of our
ropes and didn’t know what to do. We would still use the “potty prize box” and
we would use a chore chart where she could earn stars for doing chores as well
as going to the potty without accidents. Finally, at 4 ½, I started a full time
job so she was in a daycare that had a preschool room 3 days a week. I was
afraid she would have accidents there. But to my surprise, she only had 1
accident the whole time she attended (from December until kindergarten started
in late August). But she still would not go all the time at home, it was
inconsistent.
At kindergarten, that was the real break through, she
actually had maybe one accident at school (well, the year isn’t over yet, but
it’s over half way over). She stopped having accidents at home for a while as
well.
The accidents started back up again at home but those we thought
were really on purpose, so we decided to penalize her; each time she had an
accident while playing she would lose whatever it was she was playing with for
a week. This really didn’t work too well. Finally, after a while, after lots of
lectures, begging, pleading and taking away her tablet a couple of times, she
has minimal accidents at home, I think she has had one in the last month.
Although she is not completely without accidents, she is 5,
I can’t expect her to be perfect. But we have come a long way, a very long way.
I don’t know why she waited so long to potty train. I don’t know why she was so
stubborn. We weren’t extremely mean to her, we didn’t push her, we tried every
suggestion we could find. I guess some kids just want to do things on their own
time.
I guess the part that always upset me about it from the age
of 3 on was that she would tell me when she was in the car that she had to go
and she would actually hold it until we got to a place that had a public
restroom most times. This meant that she could 1) feel when she had to go most
times, and 2) hold it when she wanted to most times. These things meant she had
a normal, functioning bladder but it was just her refusal and stubbornness.
To all of you parents out there that have similar issues,
just know you are not alone. Don’t feel shamed because your kid doesn’t want to
use the potty. If you have no medical reason that they don’t use the potty
correctly, and it is just personality, you can
overcome it in time, it will work
itself out. You are not alone.
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