New Hair, New Me

What is it about coloring your hair or getting a new haircut that lets us see ourselves as different people?

When I was a kid, I hated being a brunette. I thought my hair was ugly and my eyes were an ugly brown. I thought I was ugly.

When I was probably about thirteen or fourteen, my mom let me use the ever-popular Sun In. I was so into the idea of being blonde that I over did it. The problem was that I have almost black eyebrows. Looking back at old photographs, I did not look good as a blonde (or as blonde as I could get) with such dark, bushy eyebrows (of course I thought I did back then).

As a teenager, my mom let me color my hair a few times, mostly as an older teen though. I went red a few times but since my hair was already brown, the red was more dark auburn. I liked it and always thought it looked great on me, especially when I grew my hair out very long (which never happened as a young child because my mom had a hard time brushing snarls out of my hair and wouldn’t let me keep it long unless I was going to be able to take really good care of it). Of course, looking back at the pictures from then I see now that although it wasn’t awful, it wasn’t the best look for me either.

The one common thing I see in all of those old photos from times when I colored my hair as a teenager and a young adult is that I changed my attitude. I saw myself as something else, something that I wasn’t every day. When I changed my hair color, I changed my clothing style, my facial expressions, everything.

Throughout my adult life, I changed my hair color here and there, tried streaks, highlights, and changed my haircuts here and there as well. But I stopped doing that. Eight and a half years ago, I decided I wanted to be a blonde again. I was tired of the “ugly brown.” However, I did not have the money to pay a professional, so I used the method I had used most of my life and bought a box of blonde hair color. The problem was that I had such dark brown hair that I ended up buying four or five boxes, each time unsatisfied with my hair color. When I finally got as close as I thought I ever could to a blonde color, I realized I still had almost black eyebrows that I was terrified to color. I always thought that if I colored my eyebrows, some would drip into my eyes and I would go blind. That was the last time I ever colored my hair….until now.

Just a few days ago, I took the plunge. About a year after having my daughter, I cut off my long hair and went to a long-short style or a medium length cut which I would keep up every so often. I still didn’t have the money to see my hairdresser as often as I should, maybe once or twice a year do I ever splurge on a haircut. Something was missing though. After fighting with my husband and battling stress at work, I felt it was time for a change. I decided to go back to a similar color that I had long ago, find something fun and flirty, something red and blonde and brown all wrapped into it. I booked the appointment with my hairdresser and waited (it usually takes months to get into her because I need an evening or a weekend appointment because of my job but this time I was able to flex my work hours for an event coming up that I had to work on a Saturday). The day finally came and I went into the salon excited and not a bit nervous. I was ready for the change. I went to work feeling like a million bucks and a totally new person.

Why is it that we women feel this way? Why do we change our hair and suddenly get a renewed sense of self? When we break up with someone or change our careers or have a death in the family, why do we cut our hair or color our hair? Why do we cover up every semblance of our old selves and create a new identity based on our hair?

While watching Ally McBeal on Hulu, I noticed that when two of the characters Billy and Georgia were going through marital problems, Georgia cut her gorgeous, long blonde hair super short. Every time Ally went through a relationship issue, her hair changed as well. More recently, on Superstore, one of the main characters, Amy chopped her hair off and got highlights when her marriage became rocky as well. Why is it we do this? Why is it they showcase this on television shows? Is it because we think we need to reinvent ourselves to get over this pain, this transition?

I don’t know what it is, but I certainly feel better and feel like I look better. I even do my hair in the morning now! Before I would get up and shower and sometimes blow dry my hair, sometimes just let it air dry, maybe put it up in a ponytail but more often than not just leave it down. I have never been one for styling because I can’t ever seem to get it right or don’t have the patience or curls never last anyway; but now I want to curl my hair, I want to put the effort into it looking nice. This might fade as it did when I was 18 and got a really short cut that I had to blow dry every day with mousse while my head was upside-down, causing me to grow my hair out and never consider the same cut again; or when I had a beautiful perm that I had to use curl enhancer on every day and finally just combed it out harshly every day until it got frizzy then used special shampoo to make it smooth out. But until it gets old, I am a new woman. I am a new me…and I like it!