If you have a kiddo anything like mine, she loves school but won't tell you about it.
I try very hard daily to ask "How was your day?" Because I think it is important to talk about how our days are, and I think it is important to connect at the end of the day. When I pick my daughter up from the bus stop she usually hugs me and then I put my arm around her and ask "How was your day?" The response I usually get is her hiding in her coat shrugging at me. Sometimes I get the glare and a sarcastic "Mooommm."
So I have been thinking about better ways to handle this question and actually get an answer, actually connect with my kid so that when she is 15 she will want to talk to me about school. I mean, I really want to know what has been going on in her life.
I don't see her all day and I don't know her friends. I know she acts great to her teachers and I hear wonderful things about her. When I drop her off at school I have kids coming up to me saying "Hi Sophie's mom." Heck, I was shopping at our local Meijer and I had a kid say that to me, a kid that I didn't even recognize! So I know she has friends, but I want to hear about them.
Last year, in kindergarten, she would actually talk to me for most of the school year, but near the end it got harder and harder to get an answer to the simple question "How was your day?" Thankfully, her teacher was very good with Facebook and kept up the classroom page. My daughter was also great about telling my husband and I about what she had learned because she was excited about it.
I figured out if I ask "How was your day?" I get the shrug or the sass. Similar to that is "What did you learn today?" Of course, I got the "nothing new," answer. I know my kid is smart, but seriously, nothing, and every single day? I had to get a bit smarter about this so I decided to try to make her laugh to at least connect if she wasn't going to talk. I would ask "Did you learn about dinosaurs today?" I would get the snappy "No," out of her. I would then say "You mean you didn't learn about purple dinosaurs wearing birthday hats?" There was a smile and a much nicer "No." So I would keep on taking it further and further, "Did you learn about pink hippos today?" and so on. Eventually she would blurt out something she actually did learn about, not much conversation but at least she said something and we connected through a laugh. This tactic doesn't work anymore now that she is in first grade though, I still get the sass and the sarcasm. Time to try something else.
I decided to look up things to ask. I looked at a great article online by Pop Sugar. Link is below.
The suggestion basically is to ask something else. Not "How was your day?" but something else, like "What did you do at recess?" "What was one fact you learned today?"
I tried these. I got pretty much the same kinds of answers as before. But oddly enough, when my husband would ask the same questions at the dinner table she would open up to him. I really wanted this connection with my daughter, so it was back to the drawing board.
I can't very well ask her what she ate for lunch because I pack it, and when she gets home, I unpack the lunch box and see what she didn't bother to eat. The closest to conversation about lunch I get is my irritation seeing a barely touched lunch and asking her "Why didn't you eat your lunch today?" as she is grabbing a snack because she is apparently starving and can't wait a half hour until my husband gets home and dinner is on the table.
Next I tried asking funny questions about school again. I asked her "Did anyone pick their nose today?" I still didn't get much of an answer but at least I got a laugh. Once again I tried the old "What did you learn today?" The answer I got was that everyone but her was on the wrong page in their agendas (they get planners to take home that we have to sign every day with notes and messages and things)...and (sigh) I know this is wrong because I knew she was on the wrong page.
So, a new day and I start off with the same "How was your day?" I get a bit more of an answer today but still not what I am looking for, so I go back to the "Did anyone pick their nose today?" I get a "No." Hmmm...not what I want either...so I ask "If you could be the teacher tomorrow what would you teach your class?" The answer? "Reflex Math and Raz Kids" (which are both computer programs the kids use for math and other learning. So I ask "What else though, you can't possibly have the kids on the computer all day." So then I get a bit more out of kiddo, "I would have them make their own pencil boxes and put their names on them."
I guess these question suggestions really do work a bit to help instead of the old "How was your day?" Below is the link to the article I got the questions from, I changed them a bit as you can see, but not much.
https://www.popsugar.com/moms/Questions-Ask-Your-Kid-About-Day-38356377
I have also learned along the way that when kiddo wants to talk, I need to be there to listen, otherwise I may miss my chance. If she wants to talk at dinner, she wants to talk then but after she wants to go play alone in her room. If I don't let her talk to me at dinner, I miss my opportunity.
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