Why It Is Important To Make A Connection With Your Child's Teacher

If your kid is anything like mine, there are days they just won't communicate with you about how their day was at school. Sometimes it is like pulling teeth (see my previous blog). After researching things online, I came up with some pretty good solutions to help ease my mind about the non-communication going on with my 6 year old. The first one is:

Get to know the teachers and staff. 
I found that even if I can't get answers from her, if I know her teachers I have a way of knowing if her school life is good or not. 

I know what you are going to say, "But I work full time and so does my spouse, how am I going to do that? I have barely any time for myself and you want me to meet teachers and get to know them?"

But just listen, I worked full time when my daughter started preschool and my husband worked as well, sometimes it was full time and sometimes it was part time. We made it work and here's why:

• Making those connections allows you to feel safe about your choices for schools, caregivers, whatever. These people are the ones who will safely lead your child out of the building if it catches fire, take a bullet for your kid if there is a gunman in the school, teach them the facts of life, teach them to be a good citizen. These teachers and administrators serve as role models for our children and don't you want to know who they look up to?
• If something ever comes up and you know people, you have more resources out there. People are more likely to help you search for resources when they know you. Even those in the helping professions who are obligated to help may give more effort when they have a personal connection with those who are in need. 
• Being able to openly communicate about your child to another adult who sees them in a different way is useful. Maybe you see your child as a "problem child" but at school they see them as a "star student," it really allows you to see both sides and know that maybe there isn't a problem with your kid, maybe you just need to find a different way to get things accomplished with them. 
• If your kid isn't talking to you about things and a problem does come up, it's good to have another responsible adult that both they and you feel comfortable with and who you know will tell you if it is something important. 

When she started preschool the December after she turned four because of my getting a full time job, we not only took a tour but we met the teachers in her classroom and the director of the preschool. Although I wasn't the parent dropping her off most of the time, I was the parent picking her up and when I did, I made a point to spend a minute or two chatting with her teachers. This formed a connection where I could feel that they were safe and that my kid was safe. I felt that if anything came up they would tell me. Now that my daughter is in first grade, I still talk to one of her teachers on Facebook sometimes and when I see either teacher out in town somewhere I am happily greeted.

When she began kindergarten, my husband and I hand selected her teacher. We went to kindergarten round up unsure as to if we were going to stay in our district or choice out to another one in the city. We chose to stay there based on the local test scores all being similar and the teachers who spoke at round up night. Not that there is some "head teacher" or anything but you know how when you are at events at the school and there is always "that one teacher" that speaks up and gets the mic first? Well, this was the one. The teacher that was speaking the most of all the kindergarten teachers was who we chose. She seemed young, but not too young, bright, funny, and she even looked like someone our kid could relate to and look up to (she had dark hair and eyes and was short so we thought if our kid saw someone who looked a bit like her she might look up to her...and this actually worked she came home from school the first week wanting to be a teacher).

The moment I knew this had been a right choice was on the first day of school. My husband and I both worked at the time but we were able to clear our schedules that day to drop her off. We went into the classroom and her teacher was very friendly. But the minute I knew it was right was when we were just chatting and she said to me that this was the first year her oldest daughter was going to a different school, that ever since her child was in school she had always been right down the hall and now she realized for the very first time what "us parents" must feel like on the first day of school "giving our child up" to "someone else" all day. I had not cried the first day of school, I was excited to see my kiddo dressed in her brand new clothes with her brand new backpack. I was happy to see her locker and walk into her new classroom and see her teacher and principal all dressed up with smiles on their faces and mugs of coffee in their hands. But in that moment, I started to tear up. I quickly smiled at her and hugged my kiddo, gave her a kiss on the cheek, said goodbye and told her that we would be there to pick her up from school too then walked out of the room with my husband and started to cry a little.

Taking the time out to meet her teacher and make that connection opened the door to communication between us. I found that even if I couldn't get an answer from my daughter about how her day was her teacher was always able to tell me if there was something wrong or something that needed my immediate attention.

I was able to also take a day off of work to volunteer in her classroom and make it to a field trip. Now I know that most parents work and many parents have a hard time getting days off, but if you can, do it. Take a sick day, call in and say you have the sniffles and chaperone the zoo trip, it will be worth it, I promise. My being able to volunteer for a couple little things even though I was working made my daughter feel that I really cared about her school and showed the teacher that I did too.

The next thing I did to connect was to ask for help. I asked her kindergarten teacher if she could recommend a teacher for the next year. I did this for a couple of reasons, first, because I cared about my daughter's education and wanted to choose the right teacher for her that could challenge her. Second, I wanted her teacher to know that I cared. Third, I cared what her teacher thought, her teacher was great and she is the one who knows my kid the best in the educational setting. The teachers spend most of the day with our kids, they know how they think, learn and play. They also spend time with the other teachers in conferences and meetings and know who possesses what skills and what kind of kids might work best with those teachers. So who better to suggest someone for my kid?

I also chose to join the PTO this year. I was planning on it last year when my kid was in kindergarten but decided not to because of the time of the meetings and my work schedule. I do understand that many parents don't have time for this, but many schools offer a day care program for parents attending the meetings or at least don't mind the kids sitting in on the meetings. I know it is hard after a long day at work to sit in another meeting for an hour with people you barely know talking about stuff that you may or may not care about. But I think it was a good choice for me to join. I really do love my child's school and I like being involved in the events they hold. It also connects me to other parents and the principal and staff of the school. This again opens lines of communication through connections and shows that I care about being involved.

Again, I understand that many parents are too busy. My husband works full time an hour away, teaches online classes at the local community college and is trying to complete his PhD. I was working full time when my daughter was in kindergarten and for part of her first grade education. But I think that it is extremely important to have these connections with the school and to make them as solid as possible.

Maybe my kiddo won't tell me how her day was. Maybe all she wants to do when she gets home is play by herself in her room rather than help me make dinner. But I know that by connecting with teachers and staff at her school I can bridge the gap between my daughter and I and even if she doesn't want to talk to me, someone will if they sense that something is wrong.

Asking "How Was Your Day?" Is Like Pulling Teeth

If you have a kiddo anything like mine, she loves school but won't tell you about it.

I try very hard daily to ask "How was your day?" Because I think it is important to talk about how our days are, and I think it is important to connect at the end of the day. When I pick my daughter up from the bus stop she usually hugs me and then I put my arm around her and ask "How was your day?" The response I usually get is her hiding in her coat shrugging at me. Sometimes I get the glare and a sarcastic "Mooommm."

So I have been thinking about better ways to handle this question and actually get an answer, actually connect with my kid so that when she is 15 she will want to talk to me about school. I mean, I really want to know what has been going on in her life.

I don't see her all day and I don't know her friends. I know she acts great to her teachers and I hear wonderful things about her. When I drop her off at school I have kids coming up to me saying "Hi Sophie's mom." Heck, I was shopping at our local Meijer and I had a kid say that to me, a kid that I didn't even recognize! So I know she has friends, but I want to hear about them.

Last year, in kindergarten, she would actually talk to me for most of the school year, but near the end it got harder and harder to get an answer to the simple question "How was your day?" Thankfully, her teacher was very good with Facebook and kept up the classroom page. My daughter was also great about telling my husband and I about what she had learned because she was excited about it.

I figured out if I ask "How was your day?" I get the shrug or the sass. Similar to that is "What did you learn today?" Of course, I got the "nothing new," answer. I know my kid is smart, but seriously, nothing, and every single day? I had to get a bit smarter about this so I decided to try to make her laugh to at least connect if she wasn't going to talk. I would ask "Did you learn about dinosaurs today?" I would get the snappy "No," out of her. I would then say "You mean you didn't learn about purple dinosaurs wearing birthday hats?" There was a smile and a much nicer "No." So I would keep on taking it further and further, "Did you learn about pink hippos today?" and so on. Eventually she would blurt out something she actually did learn about, not much conversation but at least she said something and we connected through a laugh. This tactic doesn't work anymore now that she is in first grade though, I still get the sass and the sarcasm. Time to try something else.

I decided to look up things to ask. I looked at a great article online by Pop Sugar. Link is below.

The suggestion basically is to ask something else. Not "How was your day?" but something else, like "What did you do at recess?" "What was one fact you learned today?"

I tried these. I got pretty much the same kinds of answers as before. But oddly enough, when my husband would ask the same questions at the dinner table she would open up to him. I really wanted this connection with my daughter, so it was back to the drawing board.

I can't very well ask her what she ate for lunch because I pack it, and when she gets home, I unpack the lunch box and see what she didn't bother to eat. The closest to conversation about lunch I get is my irritation seeing a barely touched lunch and asking her "Why didn't you eat your lunch today?" as she is grabbing a snack because she is apparently starving and can't wait a half hour until my husband gets home and dinner is on the table.

Next I tried asking funny questions about school again. I asked her "Did anyone pick their nose today?" I still didn't get much of an answer but at least I got a laugh. Once again I tried the old "What did you learn today?" The answer I got was that everyone but her was on the wrong page in their agendas (they get planners to take home that we have to sign every day with notes and messages and things)...and (sigh) I know this is wrong because I knew she was on the wrong page.

So, a new day and I start off with the same "How was your day?" I get a bit more of an answer today but still not what I am looking for, so I go back to the "Did anyone pick their nose today?" I get a "No." Hmmm...not what I want either...so I ask "If you could be the teacher tomorrow what would you teach your class?" The answer? "Reflex Math and Raz Kids" (which are both computer programs the kids use for math and other learning. So I ask "What else though, you can't possibly have the kids on the computer all day." So then I get a bit more out of kiddo, "I would have them make their own pencil boxes and put their names on them."

I guess these question suggestions really do work a bit to help instead of the old "How was your day?" Below is the link to the article I got the questions from, I changed them a bit as you can see, but not much.

https://www.popsugar.com/moms/Questions-Ask-Your-Kid-About-Day-38356377

I have also learned along the way that when kiddo wants to talk, I need to be there to listen, otherwise I may miss my chance. If she wants to talk at dinner, she wants to talk then but after she wants to go play alone in her room. If I don't let her talk to me at dinner, I miss my opportunity.

Shopping With Kids

I know I only have one kid, and she is honestly a good kid, but when I take her shopping, she becomes a different person...a strange being that defies my every request and thinks it funny to run over my feet with a cart.

When I shop by myself, shopping isn't stress but when I have to take my kiddo, it kind of is. Many times I go to the stores that have those "fun" car carts just to keep her in check. I use quotation marks around the word "fun" because I don't honestly believe they are fun. Oh, my kid loves them alright, and it keeps her from trying to push the cart, which usually would end up with either my feet run over or her riding on it preventing me from pushing it properly. It also prevents her from riding in the basket of the cart where I cannot put enough groceries, and where I have to force her to sit down never mind if she is wearing a skirt and I cannot get her to close her legs so the whole world doesn't see her Disney princess underwear. But me, I don't love them. And what mom does?

The carts stick out like a sore thumb in the cart area of every store that owns them so there is no getting out of them by saying "Oh honey, they don't have one left today." After I pull one out far enough to get my kid into it, I still have to maneuver it out of the tight spot they keep them in while fending off hitting people with it or with my butt while backing up. Finally she squeezes into it (because she is getting a little big for them) and we are off.

I bump into everything with the corner of this darn cart, because it's not like driving a real car where you can see where your front end will hit. The kid just laughs hysterically at that, of course. I also dodge hitting other people while moms give me they sympathetic half grin knowing my pain, elderly women smile while talking to my daughter thinking it is adorable, men smile and smirk thinking I am just a fun mom. I can never figure out how to handle these stupid carts, I just smash into everything trying to quickly get my groceries and get out so I don't knock down anything I might have to pay for.
I then realize that the cart isn't actually big enough to hold all of my groceries as my child giggles and smirks and looks back at me through the "rear view window" of "her car."

As I get to the checkout forgetting half of what I needed to purchase due to the overwhelming stress of trying to maneuver this "car" and keep my kid happy so I can get through this ordeal unscathed, the kid decides she doesn't want to be in the "car" anymore. So, although we are now in the checkout lane, and she is basically blocked in, which is the equivalent of having your vehicle sandwiched in between two other vehicles parked both over the lines in a parking lot; she still wants out and attempts to get out, screaming because she is stuck (even though at six years old she knows better). People start to stare, the cashier looks at me disapprovingly as I try to convince her to stay in there long enough for me to maneuver the cart to the spot where the register next to us is so she has an opening to get out.

After I have paid for my groceries (my incomplete groceries), my kiddo "helps" me push the cart out to the vehicle where she puts her legs up on the bottom of it to ride on it and almost tips the whole thing over because it is so front heavy, especially without her in it.

I just have to wonder who made these carts and why they would possibly think that these things are an amazing creation.

Stay At Home Mom

I lost my job right before Christmas. It wasn't my dream job, but it wasn't a bad job. I was working as an office manager/customer service rep for an insurance company. When I chose to take this job I knew it wasn't what I really wanted, I knew it wasn't what my degree was in or even a field I was interested in. But I had to apply for full time work because I was on unemployment. I knew it was a job that I wouldn't mind and one that I could do because I love office work and I was good at it.
I got let go when my daughter's school had two snow days in the same week. The first day, I tried to bring her in to work with me and she misbehaved so as soon as my boss got there, I had to leave and take her home. The second time, I tried to find a sitter and couldn't so I told my boss I couldn't come in. Why didn't I just have a sitter? Well, because my husband and I are picky about sitters. Both of us have been through a lot of judgement over this so I am just going to state my case and stand my ground, if you have something snotty to say, keep it to yourself please because this is the way we run our household.

So we decided long ago that if we had a sitter, we would interview the sitter together and introduce them to our daughter to see if they were a fit. The only sitters that we feel that we do not need to interview are the college women that run the after school programs that our daughter attends when we are both working full time. Because of this decision it is hard to find a sitter living so far away from my family and not having a lot of friends close by either that are able to sit for us.

On the particular day that I contacted my boss that I could not come in, I had been reaching out and trying to find someone since the night before because we almost knew school would be cancelled. The evening before, my boss left work to pick up his kids and take them home. When he did so, he emailed me telling me I could leave a bit early due to poor roads and I informed him I would be looking for childcare immediately for the next day. That night I texted him telling him I would be looking for a sitter as we got the phone calls that school was cancelled. He simply said "ok" never telling me that if I didn't I might lose my job or saying that I could bring her in again if I had to. I was under the impression that I had it handled and if I needed the day off it would not be a problem (seeing as I was supposed to get sick time and vacation time anyway) so when my husband said he could call in but he didn't really want to use all of his time off, I said I had it handled. I could not find a sitter and so I texted him in the morning that I would not be in and did not hear from him at all. The next day, I came in to work and we had a conversation about how I wasn't a good fit and how he knew that I didn't care about insurance anyway and he needed someone who did, someone who wouldn't quit on him in the busy season when they found a great job, someone who would be there for him.

The problem I guess I have with this is that I told him from the beginning that I had a child. I told him from the beginning that I sometimes needed to call in. He told me that I would have sick time and vacation time, not much for the first 90 days but I could have days off if I needed it. I also never was informed that if I called in I would use my job, if I didn't try to come in I would lose my job, if I didn't try to bring my kid in I would lose my job.

We, as a family are trying to make the best of this situation. I have been without work for about a month now. I have been able to clean more and try to get rid of the "junk" we have sitting around the house. I have been able to get a gym membership and workout regularly to improve my health. I am looking for work but I am looking for either my dream job, something that pays exceptionally well, something part-time locally with flexibility or something work from home. I thought I would try my hand at improving my blog, and may get into video but I am unsure of myself. What I have been lucky enough to do though is to sell things on garage sale sites on Facebook and make a little extra cash so I don't feel bad about buying those new boots.....